A farewell that truly says goodbye

A farewell is the threshold between what was and what remains. With a ceremony we hold this threshold open: long enough to truly say goodbye, deep enough to honour the life that has gone.

Life is not a straight line. It is a circle, and every ending carries the beginning of a new circle within it. With this awareness we create a space together in which grief and gratitude may exist side by side. A space in which memories come alive, silence is heard and the bond between the living and the one who has gone can be felt once more.

Listening before a word is spoken

What people need in this moment is someone who truly listens before saying a single word. I take the time to understand the person who has gone in their wholeness: their quirks, their laugh, what they loved, what they believed in, how they walked into a room.

This person stands at the centre, so that you can celebrate what truly was.

Laughing and crying in the same hour

A person was not only profound. Maybe they were always late, lost their keys or cooked badly and with great devotion. Stories like these belong in the ceremony. When everyone laughs, this person is sitting among us again for a moment. Afterwards the silence carries differently.

The language of the speech comes from their world. Someone who burned for something all their life gets words from exactly that fire, not formulas.

Rituals that include everyone

A farewell ceremony is not a speech with an audience. Everyone may do something.

• Smudging. At the beginning everyone has the chance to turn inwards and find the traces this person has left. We smudge where the place allows it.
• The stick in the fire. Everyone takes a stick in their hand and thinks of the relationship they had with this person. Then they give thanks in silence and place the stick in the fire.
• Many voices. Family, friends and companions speak themselves, also in dialect. In between, the music that belongs to this person carries us.

Give thanks in silence for what has remained.

Why humour has its place too is in the text Is it okay to laugh at a funeral?

How we proceed

1. We talk. You write or call me, even at short notice. Then we sit down together, at your pace.
2. You tell. Stories, photos, favourite songs, the sentences you always heard from this person.
3. I write. From what you tell me, the speech and the flow of the ceremony take shape.
4. We say goodbye. At the grave, in the funeral hall, in the forest, by the lake or in a place that suits this life.

Good to know

The non-religious farewell ceremony is not tied to any church and requires no creed. Burial and cemetery are handled by the municipality and, if you have hired one, the funeral home. I am happy to coordinate the ceremony with them. What else you should know is in the guide A funeral without a priest.